Utilizing a therapeutic and health centric approach I can provide support for building a more functional relationship regardless of the relationship status.  Additionally, my background in family businesses, parenting and marriage brings a wealth of personal experience and compassion to my contribution.
Building a solid functional relationships with people that have an influence in your life is always preferable to confrontation.  If you have children, a business, or other relationships where cooperation would make life less stressful please contact me.  I understand anger, resentment and revenge seem like the only path at this time - but the suffering you and your partner will endure over time will surely make you wish you could go back and focus on cooperation. I can help you understand the issues and mediate a beneficial and functional resolution that will allow you to remain productive and sane on this journey.

Click here for a risk-free session that will improve your relationship.

So what's your GOAL?

We often start our relationship journey with unrealistic expectations of the outcome.  We are creatures of diversity in every area of our lives and yet we are expected to find a single individual that meets all of our needs and compatibilities – often early in our lives before we even have any real life experience.

We enter into relationship typically to increase the pleasures of life.  At some point we realize that two people working together towards a common goal is more fun and more effective.  Good will and positive energy move the comfort of the relationship towards more commitment and responsibility.  Assumptions and expectations are shelved in the hope that "love will sort it all out"...

Now we're here looking for answers.  We are stuck, tired, frustrated, and likely desperate for resolution.  Motivations to stay or leave are varied and unsure.  Sometimes it feels hopeful other times one feels like running for the exit.

There's hope! Actually lots of it.  Most likely your problems are not as bad as they feel - and with some understanding and strategies I believe you can once again breathe life into your existing relationship.

There are many reasons to invest your energy into committed relationship and not run away.  Yes it takes work, but any long-term relationship you have requires effort and investment.  The question is why are you in the relationship?  What are your expectations of your commitment to this relationship?  What do you expect and want to get out of the relationship?  How do you define "success"?

Clue: it's not "A" relationship, it's RELATIONSHIPS!

The break through moment for me came when I understood it's not a singular relationship that evolves with another person.   Instead it's a series of un-noticed relationships and partnerships that we engage in and then stack one on top of another adding complexity and responsibility without understanding the added liability placed upon our initial relationship.

Then we wake up one morning heart pounding stressed out and figure "it's not working"!

Along come terrible feelings of shame, guilt, inadequecy, and failure.

We want to push the emergency escape or reset button and just "start over".

This may have happened before and now you're tired of away quitting or maybe you have kids, a business, or some other motivation to keep on investing your time and energy into your partnership.

If you find yourself in the above situation, congratulations you have achieved an mature adult relationship with another human!  It's hard work and may not be any fun at all.  But it may be worth all the effort in the end.  Especially if you have children together.

How did we get here?  As I stated above, we typically start out with a singular focused relationship (pleasure) based on a simple mutual attraction with the idea that spending time with this other person will enhance one's life experience in some way.  That could be someone to go out dancing, dinner, coffee, or intimate/romantic partner.  This is easy and proceeds with very low expectations resulting in lots of pleasure and fun together.

But we are creatures of progress and always want more.

After some period of time has elasped we start wanting an exclusive access to this person and establish the first expectation - that of exclusivity.  This is the first "contract" between you two and it's fairly easy to understand what both expect in terms of exclusivity.  Not that this goes smoothly, as this is typically where the first challenges in the relationship occur.  Assuming that expectations are clarified the relationship moves along to the next level - moving in together.

Although intuitively we all understand this a big step, most don't fully understand what has happened.

When you and your partner move in together you've actually created and added an entirely NEW relationship.  This is a "Domestic Relationship".  This new and separate relationship has nothing to do with your feelings for each other and will require skills and knowledge that one or both of you may or may not completely have.  This new type of partnership will require domestic skills like cooking, cleaning, maintenance, financial planning, organization, time management, and several other skills.  Lacking any of these domestic qualifications or having different approaches will add stress to this domestic partnership and bleed over into the romantic feelings you feel towards your partner.  You now have TWO relationships with this other person.

Spending time together and getting the warm feeling can be slightly more challenging when dishes are stacked to the ceiling or there's hair in the shower drain...

But wait there's more!  If you keep moving forward with your partner you may join forces to buy a house - Now your in business together!  there are now new expectations about spending or saving money, who's paying the bills, who's making the money, etc.  In this financial partnership there may be different attitudes about money, how it's made or how it's spent and on what?  Again this is a new type of relationship completely removed from your romantic relationship and yet affecting it.  This is yet another potential pressure on the quality of the time you are spending together.

Now why do most marriage end miserably?  It's because we fail to see the reality of the complexity caused by the multitude of added expectations that arrive with each new a successive partnership or relationship we add to our lives together.  At this point we've only lived together and bought a house, many of us go on to have children (Parenting partnerships), work together (Business partnership), or other commitments we engage in.  All of these add stress, expectation, and more responsibility to the original romantic relationship.  It's become less fun and more work to be together.  Sound familiar?

So what's the solution?

If you and your partner have a good reason to stay together and want to make it work better becoming aware of what the REAL issues are is the first step.  Couples therapy is a guided experience of breaking apart these different partnerships and working on solving the challenges in each of these areas.  When looking at a mature relationship as a singular body of experiences it is almost impossible to make any real meaningful change.  Becoming aware of the components of that make up the entire relationship allow a separation of the feelings of being together from the business of being together.

In addition to helping address the mechanics of your relationship there can be trauma and triggers that get in the way of experiencing what you already have together.  I can help you resolve previous traumatic experiences in your life that may be affecting your ability to deliver your best self to your partner.  Please reach out to me if you feel this is something you would like to explore.